Meeting the big man!!

Interviewing Santa

This years Christmas list was a little different to my usual one, as all I wanted was an interview with Santa. To be honest, I was not hopeful I would be successful in my quest to question the world’s busiest man, but it was worth a try.

On the 12th December, twelve days before his sleigh would frantically dart from chimney to chimney, my request was posted, alongside my two sisters Christmas list. All I could do now was sit and wait for a bit of Christmas magic.

Days past, and my dream of speaking to Saint Nicholas looked as likely as snow on Christmas Day. Nevertheless I remained upbeat.

Although I had received no post, I thought I should check my emails, just in case. Still nothing. To my surprise, however, I had been left a voicemail from a mysterious caller. It was him. I knew it.

After listening to the message Santa explained, “Dear James, I’m sorry I have not been in touch sooner but, as I am sure you are aware, I have been rather busy. Nevertheless, I would like to invite you to my home, in Lapland, on Tuesday, 23rd December, for a quick chat and a mince pie. Please arrive at 4pm. Yours, Santa Claus.”

It felt as though all my Christmases had come at once, after offering me the chance to do a world exclusive, a full and frank sit down interview at his home in Lapland.

But would he, Rudolf, and his Elves live up to my expectation?

 

The interview:

1. First of all Mr Claus, I wanted to thank you for inviting me to your home, here in Lapland. It’s incredible!

Yes, it’s not bad is it? We’re looking to extend the work room but, both myself and Mrs Claus, are pretty pleased. I just hope you’ll excuse the mess. Living with the Elves is like having teenagers again. They really are frightfully untidy.
 

2. That’s surprising. They always look so smart?

That’s because they know what will happen if I catch them!!!

3. If you don’t mind me asking, what will happen if you catch them?

Well if I find any elf with either their shirt un-tucked or their top button undone, it’ll be extra sprouts at dinner time!

4. I’m curious to know, how long have you been doing this job, and what persuaded you to become Father Christmas in the first place?

That’ll give away my age dear boy, so I’m not going to reveal that I’m afraid (hohoho).
Being Santa Claus is not something you choose to do, although I have seen it advertised in the window of the Job Centre (laughs). It’s just something that chooses you.

5. So when you were growing up, what did you want to be?

I always wanted to be a pop star. I fancied myself as the next David Bowie.

6. Have you ever found a house you can’t get into?

To be honest with you James, it does get progressively more difficult to squeeze down some of the chimneys throughout the night. It just depends how many mice pies I’ve eaten on route. But some of the chimneys I’m expected to fit down are ridiculous. They really are.

7. As someone who has brought joy to millions, you must be delighted with the way things have gone?

Yes that’s right, I am delighted. It really has taken off. Saying that, neither I nor my bank manager expected it to cost this much!

8. What’s the hardest thing about your job, and what do you enjoy the most?

I’m constantly worrying about the speed cameras. They’re everywhere! So the hardest thing for me is getting everything delivered on time.
The thing I enjoy the most has to be getting in my hot tub afterwards. That really is something special.

9. How do you feel when people say they don’t believe in you?

I’m not surprised. Who would? My Mum and Dad are still waiting for me to get a proper job!

10. With the economiccrisis, has this year been more difficult than most?

Yes, it hasn’t been easy, but there have been lots of sales I’ve been able to go to. Got a few bargains.

11. What’s it like being you, and doing the job you do? It can’t be easy?

It’s great being me. I only really work one or two days a year! It’s the elves who have it the hardest really. When I’m here in Lapland, I hold all my meetings in the hot tub. Doesn’t feel like work then.

12. Other than Lapland, do you have a second home where you like to relax?

Yes I’ve got a little beach hut in Trinidad and Tobago. Both Mrs Claus and I like to go there for six months of the year. Then I return to Liverpool for a month or two, before heading back to Lapland.

13. Liverpool or Everton?

Neither actually. I support Accrington Stanley. They are a fantastic team. Such spirit.

14. When you were a little boy, what sorts of presents did you like to receive?

All sorts of things really. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were a favourite at one stage. But I used to enjoy the Christmas meal more. I have always been into food.

15. May I ask, how did Rudolf get that very red shiney nose?

It’s shiney because he’s constantly applying Vaseline to it. Apparently it stops it drying up in this bitterly cold weather. The redness. That’s another story. To be truthful, it’s caused by the amount he drinks. He’s a big drinker. Loves a glass of Sherry does Rudolph.

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